pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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