I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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