Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
