I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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