rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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