pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
