Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
