I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
