We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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