I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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