i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
