I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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