i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
