The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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