I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
