My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
