All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize