I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
