somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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