Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
