i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
