This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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