Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
