so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
