i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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