Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize