can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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