Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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