So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
