Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
