My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
