Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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