how can u be prego again
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
