I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
