In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
