It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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