There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
