No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
