the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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