before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
