until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
