HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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