I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize