Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize