Your dad touched me again.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
