I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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