went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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