i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm like, not good at living.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
