Do you still have your period?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
