Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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