Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
