Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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