ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
