The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
