Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.

Fav 8 958 2418
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(530): View more from California

I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.

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(330): View more from Ohio

apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn

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(519): View more from Ontario

No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.

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(716): View more from New York

I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober

Fav 8 1897 986
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(310): View more from California

I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis

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(330): View more from Ohio

I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..

Fav 6 359 177
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(210): View more from Texas

God gave you your own nipples for a reason.

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