There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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