She said her name was "party"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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