I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
