I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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