really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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