Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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