so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
