can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize