ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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