Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
