I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
